A Less Anxious Life
It’s been an emotional few weeks.
I don’t know if they are “true” emotions or simply “perceived” emotions that have controlled me lately.
The month began with my best friend of 20+ years making a surprise visit (he was in town for work) along with some surprising ideas he had for me, and it ended with me doing a two-hour photo and video shoot for a national campaign for NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Illness. My NAMI video interview focused a lot on my previous experiences with bullying in the workplace, the importance of mental health in the workforce, and my #DadLunchNotes story and what it means for my relationships with my kids.
Best Friends…Now with kids and more gray hair
I hadn’t seen Brock since he got married in 2017. Addison and Jackson hadn’t seen him in several years. It was like we hadn’t missed a beat, sitting at my kitchen island until almost midnight. Talking about anything and everything, yet there was one particular part of our conversation that I haven’t been able to get out of mind.
“Look at everything you’ve accomplished,” he said, as he’s looking around our (somewhat) new house that we built in early 2022. “You have come so far in the last seven years and I am proud of you and I am so proud to call you my friend.” I could see the emotion in his eyes. I knew he meant everything he was saying.
I took much of my energy to mutter a half-humbled “I appreciate that” because it’s hard for me to understand or accept that someone could be proud of me.
And it’s not simply because of everything that has happened since 2014. Accepting praise and compliments have been damn-near impossible since I was in the seventh grade when my math teacher scolded me for “bragging” about being chosen to take honors Algebra the following year in eighth grade.
As silly as it sounds, that scar still remains some 28 years later.
But, throughout our five-hour in-depth conversation between two best friends who are now dads… everything kept coming back to Brock telling me how proud he was of me and everything I’ve done to turn my life around.
“How you responded after losing your job… going back to school, moving back to Louisiana, taking a massive pay cut for a job you were overly qualified for, to writing a book and becoming a celebrity dad. What you’ve done has impacted my life more than you’ll ever know.”
That took me by surprise.
He went further.
“I think your story deserves a bigger platform and I think you have the chance to change so many lives.”
Anxiety and a Book
“Did you read the book I mailed you a while back?”
No, I hadn’t had the time yet, as I am pointed to our bookshelf filled with 40+ books. I was somewhat embarrassed that I didn’t take the time to read it. I didn’t tell Brock, but I judged the book by its cover, and slipped into my desk drawer.
He shared his thoughts and that particular book, and that I should read what the author has written. Give him a chance, he said.
“His name is Dr. John Delony and he hosts a radio show and podcast about relationships. Hearing him and seeing you… I think you have a lot in common and he could be a good platform for you to help people.”
Admittedly, I am obnoxiously selective with the books I read. I’m not a fiction guy. I’m into non-fiction and books that make me think. My bookshelf is filled with the likes of Ryan Holiday, Malcolm Gladwell, Jon Acuff, Mark Manson, and others. I love what they write, how they right, and how I think differently when I’m done reading their books.
In fact, I turned to Ryan Holiday and his book Ego is the Enemy after I lost my job in 2016 as I tried to pick up the pieces of my life and figure out if living was even worth it.
…..
After Brock left, I replayed our conversation over and over in my head.
Do I have more to offer?
Would be I better suited as someone who could “teach” people by sharing my story on a bigger stage?
While I’d love a bigger platform to share my story and how what I’ve lived and learned can help other parents in a similar predicament, I am not one of the millions of people seeking to be a social media influencer or a “thought leader”. I have a good job in a place where I feel like I finally belong and am respected.
Last week, I downloaded Dr. John Delony’s audiobook, A Non-Anxious Life. I am halfway through his book. He’s kept my attention and has made me ponder some things that I need to either start doing for the first time or start doing again.
These moments have led me to journaling again (or at least trying to get into the habit of journaling)…and I hope a less anxious life that can help others.
